The Prayer of Examen

The Concept

Another type of prayer with a strong foundation in the Psalms, the Prayer of Examen asks the Lord to search your heart and know your ways while recognizing his heart and his ways. The examen (from the Latin word for “examination, assessment”) is not a thing of dreadful judgment, but a means towards deeper understanding and empowerment. Foster gives us two kinds of examen: Consciousness and Conscience.

Examen of Consciousnesss – Remembering how God has been present to us through the day. It is “discerning the footprints of the Holy.” Recount where has God been present in your day and reflect on what it is he is saying to you through it. This type of prayer does very well in the evening hours, as it looks back on the activities of the day. Regular practice of this examen will help to solidify the memory of the acts of God in your life as well as increase your sensitivity to hearing his voice.

Examen of Conscience – Realizing and uncovering areas that need cleansing and purifying. For this examen, it is important to not rely on ourselves but on his illuminating Spirit. Were this a solo activity, we would err to much either on the side of self-justification or the side of self-condemning, missing the thin line of truth. But after inviting God into the shadowy parts of our heart, we are given a self-acceptance and self-love that is drawn from God's acceptance and love, not our own. It is constructive to know ourselves in this way because “who we are – not who we want to be – is the only offering we have to give. We give God therefore not just our strengths but also our weaknesses, not just our giftedness, but also our brokenness... all are laid on the altar of sacrifice.”(Ps. 51:17)

As we search inward, deeper and deeper, we ultimately search for, and find, and enthrone the soul's proper center, which is God. It is not a prayer into the heart but through the heart. The Prayer of Examen is focused inward, not towards the self, but towards the kingdom of God (Luke 17:21).

The Experience

This prayer exercise excited me. There is a clear plan and purpose. I set out to pray each night before falling asleep, rehearsing the acts of God in my daily life. I committed to deep introspective searches and exercises in purging the dark places of my heart. It would be dishonest for me to say I was wholly successful in these efforts.

It's about being open to God's judgment but also about making time to hear it. In studying conscience and the consciousness of his presence, I found some areas of my heart that need cleansing are not rebellious so much as acting outside of communion with him. I find it hard to “flip the switch” from productive Martha to Mary seated at the feet of Jesus. I yearn for it to be difficult to switch it the other way. My #1 desire is to naturally and constantly abide in the awareness of his presence, but I find the reality elusive. I probably rely too much on my own commitment and my own efforts, but how do I abandon those for his will in my life without becoming apathetic and complacent?

The Psalms spoke to me so richly this week. “One thing God has spoken. Two things have I heard: That you, O God, are strong and that you, O Lord, are loving.” (Ps 62:11) My Lord's judgment is strong and it is is loving! Psalm 51 was beautiful to read through slowly while allowing God to search my heart. Things he revealed are personal and painful, but the result of his cleansing (the faithful statements “I will be clean. .. I will be whiter than snow"), is that “then I will teach transgressors your ways … and my tongue will sing of your righteousness .. and my mouth will declare your praise.”

Examen cannot be accomplished in one week and should not be neglected moving forward. I do plan to make this a regular discipline, hoping to find a richer, deeper understanding of and participation in my relationship with the Lord, and a better cared for heart – a cultivated entryway to the kingdom of heaven.

Petitionary Prayer

The Concept

The word “pray” means “to request,” and Petitionary Prayer is exactly that. God knows what we need, but he delights in us seeking him for what we think we need. He wants us to share our desires with him because he wants us to share every last part of ourselves with him. To find this basic type of prayer too simple or even too selfish is to dangerously cling to a false humility. Truly we depend on the Father for every breath, for every morsel of food, for every noble thought, for every single thing.

There is Intercessory Prayer which is seeking God to fulfill the needs of others, but Petitionary Prayer specifically lifts up our own personal requests. Because these requests are so near our heart, it is difficult to find objective clarity about them. We are masters of self-deception (Jer. 17:19). But even though we may miss the mark in our prayers, it is better to err than not to pray at all. P.T. Forsyth observes “Petitions that are less than pure can only be purified by petition.” We learn our own hearts and – even better! – the heart of the Father by asking.

Like Simple Prayer, the Petitionary Prayer is not a crude form of prayer we will one day grow out of to make way for “more advanced” prayers like eloquent adoration or mystical contemplation. We are forever dependent on God, and there is nothing base about expressing this dependence. The Lord's prayer is a series of petitions (three of which, Give/Forgive/Deliver, Foster delves into as key categories of this type of prayer). By asking the Father for our daily bread, the trivialities of the every day are lifted up and consecrated. When we come to him for everything, we will find that every meal is a heavenly gift, every stumble is quickly redeemed and forgiven, every temptation is identified and resisted through the strength of Christ. What joy it is to thank him for the gifts he gives, especially when it is something we have asked for!

The Experience

I found this exercise indulgent because it is so me-focused, but also easy because it is a form of prayer naturally injected in most of my prayer times. In fact, I find Petitionary Prayer hard to isolate; it ebbs and flows into intercession and praise and confession organically.

In a specific moment, I invited the Lord into my eating habits. I know my base desire is rooted in pride and body image, but I also know that there are health benefits and the spiritual fruit of self-control as a result of dieting. By inviting God into this basic and often profane part of my life, my hope is that all my eating moments will be full of the awareness of God's presence and his intentions towards my health and a life of moderation.

In another specific moment, I prayed for forgiveness for squandering a book idea the Lord had given me over a year ago. I have recently felt God's favor for that particular idea withdrawn after an outright rebellion of refusing to start writing. I realize I am afraid to fail, a fear rooted in pride. I have prayed for a return of his creative inspiration and his blessing to start anew. This prayer is not yet answered, but I am no longer sullenly hiding behind excuses and inaction.

Those are just two examples, tiny droplets in a river of lifetime prayer. But through this exercise, I ultimately learned that ignoring personal desires – keeping them shamefully from the light and God's influence – can lead to festering sin. By offering my needs and desires through prayer – by openly acknowledging my dependence on his providence and his will in my life – the dusty corners of my prideful heart will one day be swept clean.

The Prayer of Rest

The Concept

The Prayer of Rest is willingly entering into the eye of the storm, so all distraction around you is pushed to the periphery. It is finding serenity, stability, focus, and unhurried peace in the presence of God, no matter your current circumstances.

Church fathers talk of this prayer as Otium Sanctum or "Holy Leisure." It is a time of refreshing, a shabbat shalom. This rest is not an absence of activity, but rather a rest that is a waiting on the Lord, allowing him to be in charge while we work to hear his voice. For, as François Fenelon wrote about God's voice, "We must silence ourselves ... because it is a gentle and delicate voice, only heard by those who no longer hear anything else."

Foster gives 3 classical practices that lead to the Prayer of Rest:

1. Solitude: an integral component to a Christian life, as exemplified by Jesus (Mk 1:35). Retreating away from other people and other things is needed to "burst open the shell of our superficial securities."
2. Silencio: in this context, it is not auditory silence, but the stilling of every motion not rooted in God. It is stripping away nonessentials and becoming centered in the stark reality of the Kingdom of God. (Mark 13:31)
   
3. Recollection: meant here to be an intentioned and submitted examination on one's purpose and direction in life. (Gal 6:4)

The Experience

This prayer was especially therapeutic for me. I am still not sure whether it is my perception that has changed or my reality, but I find myself less stressed about getting things done and having more time to sit and enjoy this life. The things that used to claim my concerns and anxiety seem less important and less weighty, and I'm hungry to know what in my life God sees as of consequence.

Surprisingly, The Prayer of Rest helped me understand the Prayer of the Forsaken. I prayed through the steps of solitiude, silencio, and recollection, and I asked for the removal of all distractions, as I named them specifically one by one. I named concerns and responsibilities and hurts and material desires and even doctrinal questions. As these things were released, I found myself clinging to what was left at the core - an ineffable bastion, built on the solid rock, rooted and established in love, that is only knowing and being known by God. This prayer of rest - of discarding dross - became a prayer of the forsaken as I plead for an inner relationship substantial enough to grasp onto while everything else was carried to sea.

Another surprising result of the Prayer of Rest was how it has informed my intercessory prayers. As I prayed for others this week, this exercise reminded me to strip down the perspectives that were not from God but from my own understanding. I let go my own opinions and expectations, my own desires and resentments, because all that I can confidently take into his presence is my love for these others and my trust and dependence on Christ's mercies and wisdom.

Contrary to its title, I found the Prayer of Rest to be quite lively. There has been growth: an increase of peace, an increase of purpose, an increase of understanding, an increase of faith, and an increase of love.

Prayer of the Forsaken

The Concept

To be honest, I didn't want to do this one. To take this on feels a bit like shooting myself in the foot. I mercifully do not feel "forsaken." But, I am going through this book based on a certain pattern, and rather than skip a chapter, I hope to find value in understanding this prayer before it needs to be prayed.

The Prayer of the Forsaken is praying through a time in your life when you feel the absence of God's presence. It is a lament; it is an expression of longing and of shaking one's fists; it is a posture of refusing to let go and persisting to live up to what you have already attained (Phil 3:16). Foster says, it is doing what we know to do. We pray, we listen, we worship, we carry out the duty of the present moment. What we learned to do in the light of God's love, we also do in the dark of God's absence.

David prayed many times, "How long, O Lord, will you be hidden?" For reasons we may never understand, there will be times in our lives where God seems removed. We may find we have structured our faith on vain securities - on warm fuzzy worship services, on awe-inspiring Bible readings, on human fellowship, or even on Holy Spirit goosebumps - rather than on God alone. There are times when he chooses not to perform at our beck and call. When we recognize God's absence, we strip down our dependence on results and crave the source: God himself. We find out true desire is not to master God, but be mastered by him.

Foster says that moments like this are "a definite experience of prayer, to be expected, even embraced." Personally, I believe God is ever present, that he will draw near to those who draw near to him, that those who seek him will find him, that he will answer those who call upon him. But many Christian fathers and mothers have described this Dark Night of the Soul, so I must believe our human awareness can become clouded to the presence of God. We can perceive a separation and be devastated by it. But I also must believe it is God's desire that we come out on the other side, more dependent on and more aware of his steadfast, unfailing love.

The Experience

I was able to come to terms with this type of prayer when I was shown that every moment of our human existence is in some way removed from the full presence of God. We are in a constant pursuit of a face-to-face relationship while separated by a glass darkly (1 Cor 13:12). This is our forsaken reality. How it would bless the Lord to know we crave more of him all the time, and not just when we are feeling abandoned!

I read Psalm 13 as part of this study and hope to remember it when I need it. It is short and perfect for a time of feeling separate from God. David's heart is in sorrow, his thoughts in turmoil, as he suffers separation from God. But ultimately, he sings praises, for he remembers "the Lord has been good to me." In Psalm 42:6, he says similarly: "My soul is downcast within me, therefore I will remember my God." Our memory is our gift. In times of dejection, we must learn to trust in what we have known of God's unchanging character.

For now, we know in part, but this is reason enough to hope and rejoice. 1 Peter 1:8: "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."

Praying the Ordinary

The Concept

A large part of my understanding of Praying the Ordinary has come from my weekly reading of The Practice of the Presence of God. Though I take from Foster an explanation of the concepts, Brother Lawrence's vision of "flipping an omelet for God" has stuck with me this whole week. I am beholden to him for the idea that we are unable to sin as long as we are in the presence of God, and I long for that to be my natural state.

Praying the Ordinary has multiple applications. It is turning ordinary activities into prayer, i.e. doing all things as unto the Lord (1 Cor 10:31, Col 3:23). It is the awareness of God in ordinary experiences (Rom 11:36, Eph 4:6). It is praying ceaselessly throughout your ordinary day and in ordinary moments because you know he is your constant companion (1 Thess 5:17, Matt 28:20).

In structuring your life around this concept, you will value small things and not only seek out the conspicuous. You will recognize the sacredness of creation. You will see that the material and spiritual realms are intertwined, not "apartheid," and in so doing, you will see that life and prayer are also intertwined and that there is no compartment in your life that God does not want to touch.

Foster says a "prayer of action" or acting within God's will, can be more effective than a prayer of words. He quotes Anthony Bloom, "A prayer makes sense only if it is lived. Unless they are lived, unless life and prayer become completely interwoven, prayers become a sort of polite madrigal which you offer to God at moments when you are giving time to him." Praying the Ordinary is an intentional discipline in realizing that all our time belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Experience

I don't know if it is because life is funny or because this exercise awakened me to the many extraordinary everyday experiences in my life, but this week was full of conspicuous occasions to pray. And I found that praying through them made them more interesting and better experienced. I believe Praying the Ordinary as a way of life will lead one to a better lived, truly abundant life.

This week, I prayed through PMS, through the Buddhist funeral of an amazing woman, through my car not starting, through unwelcome feelings of resentment, through playing with my new puppy, through a wait at a doctor's office, through reading books, reading the news, receiving a 2-hour massage, going to sleep and waking up. I never needed an excuse to pray - it was natural; and I am certain there is never an excuse not to pray! Even distractions become occasions to pray.

I find the only thing working against this type of prayer, this type of life, is forgetfulness. I confess I went a full-day this week without remembering this exercise. It may help to assign things as mnemonic devices: resolve when you see a flower to remember its creator, resolve when you open the refrigerator door to remember your provider, etc, moving towards all things having this effect. I wrote in my prayer journal: "I believe that You abide in me, and that I do abide in you. I confess that in less than 24 hours,I forgot my resolve to be aware of your constant presence. Holy Spirit, nudge me through the day, so I am reminded of our Love Affair. May everything I see or do bring you to mind." ...I should pray that more often!

I think continuing these first 3 concepts - Simple Prayer, the Prayer of Adoration, and Praying the Ordinary - are worthwhile foundation blocks for all the more specific types of prayer moving forward in this journey. I am grateful that God has led me to put them in practice, as I feel closer to him now than I have been before.

The Prayer of Adoration

The Concept

Adoration is not a separate kind of prayer, "it is the air in which prayer breathes, the sea in which prayer swims." But in the context of this exercise, it is a more intentional expression, a releasing of the natural response of our heart when it glimpses the heart of the Father.

The Prayer of Adoration is selfless, it doesn't ask after anything, but rather seeks only to exalt the Lord. In this posture of worshiping in spirit and in truth, as we yearn to bless God, he mercifully sees fit to heal our own sorrows and weaknesses.

We have scriptural assurance that our thankfulness reaches his heart. Jesus was moved by the one healed leper who returned to thank him, while the other 9 walked away (Luke 17:11-19). David's psalms declare over and over how praise will be on his lips all of his days.

Foster mentions 4 obstacles to adoration: 1) inattentiveness, moving through life oblivious to the beauty of creation and God's works, 2) over-analysis, evaluating the gifts of God instead of truly experiencing them, 3) greed, answering God's goodness by asking for more, and 4) conceit, being pleased with ourselves for bringing praise.

Adoration should move beyond a selfless posture to the active state of losing oneself, being overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and awe on the object of your affection. As Friend Owl tells Bambi: "You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!"

The Experience

This week, I tried to train myself to be more aware of my daily gifts, to say "thank you, Lord" often, with the aim of becoming lost in a spirit of worship. Unfortunately, I never truly experienced this rhapsody, despite all my efforts to "turn it on." Even my time in communal worship on Sunday seemed less stirring than usual. It seems my analytical intellect constantly stood in the way. Even using psalms as a stepping stone, I found myself looking up Hebrew words and chain references rather than becoming caught up in praise.

It was frustrating. I prayed that I would be surprised by my capacity to worship; I know it is the reason I was created. I prayed the "I" out of my head in order to increase the "Thou" (I love me some Buber). I prayed for a revelation of what is holding me back; I can't detect any resentment or bitterness or anger or any reason to protect myself in this way of withholding intimacy. I did not receive immediate answers, but I have faith that God is doing his work, and one day, I will be free in expressing my love.

Pastor C. had some great insight that led to positive changes towards the end of this week. Rather than praying, "Thank you, Lord, for x" I have changed my vocabulary to "I love you, Lord, because x." Words are so important and can change hearts. He also gave me the image of a child hugging a parent, and how much it means to have that last tight squeeze before letting go ... not rushing off to other activities but really desiring to linger and cling even tighter.

I want to achieve a continual life of praise, my life as a lovesong, as is expressed in Ps 34:1, Ps 145, Heb 13:15, etc. So though I will not spend another week on this topic in order to better perfect it - for I think this is impossible - I will carry it with me as I learn to practice the other prayer forms in Foster's book.

I want to be constantly aware of adoration, so it truly is the air my heart breathes and the sea my heart swims in. I want to move beyond lip-service, beyond "prayer exercises." I want my heart to break in abject worship. My Lord is more than worthy of such praise.

Simple Prayer

The Concept

Simple Prayer is not pre-sorted or rehearsed; it is not concerned about its motive or its delivery. It can be silly; it can be angry. Simple prayer reveals the contents of our heart: the good, the bad, the ugly. It is prayer from where we are in the moment. Simple prayer is prayer for the sake of prayer.

We often let excuses keep us from prayer: busy-ness, distractedness, stubbornness, independence, self-centeredness, self-consciousness, etc. Foster writes: "We yearn for prayer and hide from prayer. We are attracted to it and repelled by it. We believe prayer is something we should do, even something we want to do, but it seems like a chasm stands between us and actually praying. We experience the agony of prayerlessness."

But when we step back from our own expectations of prayer, when we remove our own limitations and standards, we begin to open the floodgates of prayerfulness. By praying, we learn to pray.

Simple prayer is a child's prayer, and we will never outgrow it, because the Spirit of Christ within our hearts cries "Abba, Father." (Gal. 4:6).


The Experience

So I spent a week conscientiously bringing every little (and big) experience and thought to my Lord. My desire is to make prayer as natural to me as breathing. I would rather turn to God first, even before turning inward and assessing my own thoughts (which are unreliable and often require correction anyways)!

I've always had this silly little notion that I should not be wasting God's time with pointless, rambling prayers. I know the insanity of it, of thinking God's time is limited, but still I fret over annoying him. This week gave me some healing in this area. Yes, God is worthy of fear and reverence, of Isaiah's "dread of the Lord and the splendor of his majesty," but I find the courage to stand in his presence through my trust in his nature, through my inescapable dependence on him, and through the worthiness of Christ I share. God is pleased to share every part of my life: my actions, my heart, my thoughts. Resistance is futile (and foolish).

As I practiced Simple Prayer this week, I was shocked to find I had lots more to say to him then I would have thought! My usual short prayer time became longer as I didn't filter anything back - I hadn't even been aware I was doing that - but just poured everything out before him. I found my tone becoming informal and conversational - more so than I have allowed myself before. Because it is impossible to lie in prayer, truth was revealed in these conversations, and I received answers to questions ... and a changed heart.