End of the Book

As I finish Foster's book, I am resolved not to finish the practice of creative prayer, prayer that stretches me, unfamiliar or even uncomfortable prayer, because I am a branch ever seeking a deeper abiding in the vine.  A dynamic relationship comes from dynamic interaction.

I have been writing down the phrases that most struck me in this reading, and in this final entry on the subject, I wanted to share them with cyberspace:

• To be effective prayers, we need to be effective lovers. (3)
• We will discover that, by praying, we learn to pray. (13) 
• What we learned to do in the light of God's presence, we also do in the dark of God's absence [the dark night of the soul]. (24)
• Who we are - not who we want to be - is the only offer we have to give. (31)
• The less we are mesmerized by human voices, the more we are able to hear the Divine Voice. The less we are manipulated by the expectations of others, the more we are open to the expectations of God. (63)
• It is an occupational hazard of devout people to confuse their work with God's work. How easy it is to replace "this work is really significant" with "I am really significant." (73)
• Thoughts continue to jostle in your head like mosquitoes. To stop this jostling you must bind the mind with one thought, or the thought of one only. - Theophane the Recluse (124)
• That is my task: to hold my will to the current of power and let you sweep through endlessly. - Frank Laubach (126)
• Virtue is discovered not so much in the attaining as in the trying, the struggling, the running of the race. (150)
• Know that it is by silence that the saints grew, that it was because of silence that the power of God dwelt in them, because of silence that the mysteries of God were made known to them. - Ammonas (155)
• He is closer to my true self than I am myself. He loves me better than I love myself. He is Abba Father to me. I am because HE IS." - James Borst (163)
• The discovery of God lies in the daily and the ordinary, not in the spectacular and heroic. ... Ours is to be a symphonic piety in which all of the activities of work and play and family and worship and sex and sleep are the holy habits of the eternal. (171)
• Petitions that are less than pure can only be purified by petition. (180)
• Love loves to be told what it knows already. ... It wants to be asked for what it longs to give. (181)
• Struggle is consistent with love, for it is an expression of our caring. (225)
• The righteous man strives in prayer with God and conquers in that God conquers. - Soren Kierkegaard (226)

Moving on, I am not completely sure what this blog will become. I am thinking it may be a prayer journal, and I like that idea better than abandoning the whole project. This is a question I will bring to God in conversational prayer!

Contemplative Prayer

The Concept

“For God alone my soul waits in silence.” (Ps. 52:1)  

 

Contemplative Prayer is silence before God, a respite from our addiction to words. Foster comments that our modern society is one that has more active communication but says less than any other society in history. With Contemplative Prayer, our own voice recedes, and we can enter an experience of the heart not the head, a focused and devoted attentiveness to being with God.

The experience and revelation of the Father gained through this prayer is far beyond the scope of human words. Thomas Merton describes, “God loves you, is present in you, lives in you, dwells in you, calls you, saves you, and offers you an understanding and light which are like nothing you ever found in books or heard in sermons.”

Comfortable silence with God, as in any relationship, grows intimacy. Without words to cloak the interaction, the experience is pure and unadorned.

Yet Foster cautions that this is an “advanced” prayer, one that shouldn't be undertaken before maturity in prayer life is reached. He says it should only be exercised by those with “flexed spiritual muscles” who “know something about the spiritual landscape” because not all spiritual guidance is divine guidance. Though I appreciate the advice to pray for protection, to pray for divine guidance, before entering an attitude of contemplation, I don't think there is any need for “advanced” prayer techniques here. I think it calls for a pure heart, a heart solely seeking God, no matter the size of the spiritual muscles. Sometimes big muscles accompany big egos, and ego is the most dangerous thing on the spiritual landscape.

The steps given for this kind of prayer are :

1. recollection: releasing (not suppressing) all competing distractions until you are truly present where you are. This is difficult, but take encouragement: “If at first we achieve no more than the understanding of how much we lack in inner unity, something will have been gained, for in some way we will have made contact with that center which knows no distraction.” (Romano Guardini)
2. inner attentiveness: an expectant silence, utterly responsive to the Lord. The long-term goal is to bring this posture of listening naturally into the course of everyday experience.
3. spiritual ecstasy: this is the devastatingly beautiful revelation of God that transforms our hearts. It's nothing we can do, but a work God does upon us. Juliana of Norwich writes, “The whole reason why we pray is to be united into the vision and contemplation of him to whom we pray.” Madame Guyon explains, “This cannot be brought about merely by your own experience. Meditation will not bring divine union; neither will love, nor worship, nor your devotion, nor your sacrifice. … Eventually it will take an act of God to make union a reality.”

The Experience
This is not a prayer that you step into and master immediately. I quickly discovered in myself the pitfalls of pride and selfish aspiration, (“How cool it will be for my blog if I have a major contemplative success!”)

I also became aware of the weakness of the flesh, so bored by the absence of thought and language that it tends to put itself into sleep mode. I found it helpful to abandon the eastern meditation techniques of “emptying the mind” and focus instead upon release: acknowledge the thought then turn it loose because it's value is nothing compared with the desire to experience the Father. After several assessments of value like this, no thought stands for long. Still, it will take many attempts to silence this inner voice constantly playing to my mind's desire for entertainment.

I know from my meager attempts, that the key to this is “more of you and less of me.” In the words of John the Baptist: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). I can think of nothing greater than scraping away all my outer layers – my words, my thoughts, my aspirations – and finding at the center only Christ. I know he is there now, but it may take stilling those outer layers to fully experience the truth of it in this lifetime.

As a huge fan of Martin Buber, this exercise made me want to re-read I and Thou because I think the genuine experience of the Thou is ultimately what Contemplative Prayer is about.

Covenant Prayer

The Concept

A covenant is a two-way commitment. Christ made a covenant with you through his blood shed on the cross, and Covenant Prayer is your responding commitment to him. Jesus says in John: “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word.” Our response to his love is obedience.

This is not a legalistic, robot-soldier obedience. It is a duty in the sense of De Caussede who said “duty is the sacrament of the present moment.” This is obedience without reservation. Selfless, joyful obedience. An expression of love. A desire to please the God who has lavished the riches of his grace upon us.

Commitment is scary; most of us naturally veer away from it. We see it as confining, a sacrifice of freedom. (Yet freedom actually results from restraint. Only through discipline and commitment do we gain mastery of a skill or a relationship to the point that we can operate freely within it.) We see commitment as compulsory, a sacrifice of spontaneity. (But just because something is required does not mean it must lack joy or generosity.) We may fear commitment because we fear failure and the resulting self-condemnation. (But God knows the intention of your heart, and he will provide the desire and strength to take us to the heights as well as the grace and humility to catch our falls. A.W. Tozer writes, "We pursue God because and only because He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to that pursuit.' And here is the beautiful thing: finding God only deepens and heightens the pursuit.")

This Covenant is not a boring promise to obey but a redirection of the heart and mind to seek God at the center of you and at the center of everything, an expectant and relentless pursuit of God. When you seek him, spend time with him, when you know him, then you begin to know his will.

Prayer is a prerequisite of obedience. So Covenant Prayer is meant to be a quantifiable promise of a fixed habit of prayer, not merely an open-ended sentiment. It likely will involve a commitment of time (length and frequency) and of place (a location to anchor your focus). We must be careful of impossible burdens, but we must also be careful of complacency and stagnation.

This may all sound confining and uninspired, but John Dalrymple reminds us: “The truth is that we only learn to pray all the time everywhere after we have resolutely set about praying some of the time somewhere.” As soon as you set up a rule for yourself, you will be distracted. But you have a choice “you alone will decide whether you will hold steady in the inner sanctuary of the heart or rush out of the holy place, tyrannized by the urgent.”

Let this prayer and its commitment be a language of love, not a language of obligation.

The Experience

In praying about what kind of commitment I was going to make for at least this week, I turned open to Isaiah 2, and all over the page is the exaltation of the Lord alone. I was reminded not to give him just what is easiest, but to give him what is my best. I was reminded not to do this for this blog, for myself, for any personal agenda, but for him alone.

I committed to a quiet time with the Lord first thing, every morning, no excuses. Later that afternoon, a friend told me about the devotional website Pray As You Go. As soon as I checked it out, I knew that this would be a part of my Covenant Prayer.

As it turned out, this week was wonderful. The messages and quiet meditations from Pray As You Go were a respite for me, a renewal rather than a striving. It was something I looked forward to upon waking up, and I know this was a gift from God. A reward for my desire for commitment, a burden made light. A means to draw easily and comfortably closer to my Lord.

Authoritative Prayer

The Concept

Authoritative Prayer is not a personal prayer or a devotional prayer; it is neither petition or worship. It is a proclamation. Authoritative prayer is not asking God for something, but speaking his will into enemy territory. William Law says it is “not for getting man's will done in heaven,” but “for getting God's will done on earth.” It is kingdom advancement on a spiritual plane.

This type of prayer, directed at powers and principalities - not to God but from God - is biblical. God told Moses to stop praying and start exercising the authority he had given him (Ex. 14:15-16); Mark 11:23 instructs us to tell the mountain to move, not to pray that it will move. Throughout the gospel, Jesus prays/commands authoritatively. He directly addresses waves, demons, deaf ears, etc. and then gives that same authority to his disciples (Luke 9:1-2). In a personal story, Foster tells about a time that, after asking God repeatedly to remove his son's pain, he spoke directly to that pain and it was soothed.

Of course, this type of prayer can be dangerous. It is important to remember not wander away from God's sovereign, not to let pride and presumption pervert this God-given responsibility. We use his strength and his power, never our own. But there is also error in not exercising this authority at all, in making light of God's power and restraining it to a superficial, domesticated level. We are given the armor of God to fight spiritual battles (Eph. 6:12)!

We should actively seek and pray for discernment as a “guardrail” for Authoritative Prayer. “Discernment is the divine ability to see what is actually going on and to know what needs to be done in any given situation.” It is both wise and sensitive, seeking first and then obeying the will of God.

When we speak with authority from a transformed heart, there are beautiful results. Excesses in this type of prayer come from embracing the power of this prayer without embracing the compassion of it. In Jesus, we see power and compassion perfectly united, and in imitating him, we are in error when our power and compassion are out of balance - to either side.

The Experience

Authoritative Prayer is new territory for me. I have previously been suspicious when people pray directly to spirits. But I have also understood that prayer without activity is not God's will (Matt. 14:15-16). Surely we have been called to act - humbly, and through his power - in both the physical and the spiritual realms.... Remember, we are already seated with Christ in heavenly places! (Eph. 2:6)

Still, getting up one day and praying to "principalities" seemed beyond me. But I find Foster's chapter-closing prayer illuminating. We are not necessarily addressing demons or angels (though that is a real possibility), but we are free to directly address God's creation in his name. Foster prays:

In the strong name of Jesus Christ I stand against the world, the flesh, and the devil.... I oppose every attempt to keep me from knowing full fellowship with God. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I speak directly to the thoughts, emotions, and desires of my heart and command you to find your satisfaction in the infinite variety of God's love rather than the bland diet of sin. I call upon the good, the true, and the beautiful to rise up within me, and the evil to subside.....

There is power in our words. God desires us to step into the powerful gift he has given us, that we may be co-laborers with him, his ambassadors in this world. I am not standing comfortably in this authority today, but I do want to understand it better and to obey the Lord as he calls me further into the work of his kingdom.

Meditative Prayer

The Concept

In addressing Meditative Prayer, Foster focuses primarily on meditation of the scriptures. The aim is that “the Bible ceases to be a quotation dictionary and becomes instead wonderful words of life that lead us to the Word of Life.” It is a way of reading that differs from study/exegesis (which also has its place) by focusing on personal and internal application. 

This classic practice has been known by the church for centuries as Lectio Divina or “divine reading.” Lectio Divina is slowly reading a passage of scripture over and over again while imagining it, tasting it, applying it, and praying it until it becomes internalized.

Imagination is welcome, even invited, to this practice which engages both mind and heart. Inject your senses into the biblical narratives; when you see the setting in your mind's eye, when you imagine the tastes and sounds, then you will find yourself participating in the action rather than merely observing it. You will find that what was written in the past doesn't merely parallel the present, but can intersect it. (Another happy benefit of using the imagination is that it focuses the mind and prevents it from wandering.)

We are not using imagination to unlock historical facts. Your imagination, of course, may not match the actual circumstance or even the intent of the text, but it opens up a gate to your heart where God will show you what he would have you see just this day, just for you.

While Foster recommends practicing Meditative Prayer with the scriptures, he also suggests trying it with other Christian writings, remembering the words of Thomas à Kempis: “Search for truth in holy writings, not eloquence. All holy writing should be read in the same spirit with which it was written.... Do not let the writer's authority or learning influence you, be it little or great, but let the love of pure truth attract you to read.”

The Experience

Each day this week I [almost randomly] chose passages from the prophets, from the psalms, from the gospels, from the epistles, and applied this imaginative approach. I focused on passages only one or two verses long. This is different for me, as I usually read a chapter or more each day, but I found that what I read this week stuck better throughout the day, and I also found that I was connecting the truths I was being shown from day to day.

It took discipline for me, as I am in a pattern of reading to study rather than reading to meditate. Often, I had to refuse impulses to look up the original Hebrew or Greek word, to read too much ahead or behind, to scour the concordance, etc. There is a time for these things, but not in this exercise. Whenever I would get caught up with a curiosity that would only lead me on a chain-reference scavenger hunt, I would acknowledge the curiosity for what it was: a distraction. I might make a quick note to check it out later, but then I would return to seeing the text as “life not lines” and ask God to show me what he wanted to tell my heart directly that day, hoping for a new revelation about his very nature so I can know him more.

For me, the difficulty was treating this like prayer and not a mere exercise. But the reward is so rich, that I hope to incorporate this type of reading – even if only for a few minutes – into every devotional reading/prayer of the scriptures.

As an example of the fullness of this kind of prayer-reading, on Day One, I selected a newly favorite passage of mine:

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,  

Though the olive crop fails  

and the fields produce no food,

Though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,  

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD.
   I will be joyful in God my Savior. 

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
   He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
   He enables me to tread on the heights. 

-Hab. 3:17-19

Before, I had read this and appreciated the sentiment of rejoicing even in times of trouble. I had enjoyed the poetic language and even applied it in prayer. But after this day, it really became alive for me.

As I really took stock in what it would mean for the fig tree not to bud, and the cattle stalls to stand empty, I realized how heart-breakingly frustrating, soul-crushing, even scary, it would be to have put so much work into a job and have it yield nothing, to the point that you might not know where your next bite to eat would come from. Planting fields, building pens: these jobs required my efforts, but their yield depends solely on the blessings of God. Progressing through the short text, I then allowed myself to really think what it is to be joyful in God, to rejoice in the Lord. I felt myself lifted up from the disappointment of fruitless work and concentrated on the eternal truths of a mighty God who loves us and has saved us from darkness. He makes my feet like a deer so I may go to the heights and be with him – this is the work he has done for me, and again I can rejoice because his work will not be fruitless. Amen!

Formation Prayer

The Concept

I will let Foster define this prayer: “The primary purpose of prayer is to bring us into such a life of communion with the Father that, by the power of the Spirit, we are increasingly conformed to the image of the Son. This process of transformation is the sole focus of Formation Prayer.”

Unless we are changed by a life of prayer, we will not maintain a life of prayer. God is a gracious father, and he teaches us to press in deeper and deeper into our relationship by pulling back in seasons to wean us of our selfishness and complacency. Each step towards him is not a step on a path that stops at perfection, but a step that leads us endlessly deeper and deeper into infinite revelation.

The realm of prayer is both where we pursue God and where we are pursued by God. There are seasons for striving and initiating and seasons for yielding and receiving, but always we must be malleable like clay in the hands of the potter. We do not change ourselves, his power alone “can melt this heart of stone.” Evelyn Underhill calls us to be “completely abandoned in the hands of God.” Foster asked us to imagine it as an adult guiding the hand of a child to draw on a paper. Humility is required if we are to be truly transformed.

I don't know any better way to summarize the intent of this prayer than by this passage from Richard Foster's book:

As winter approaches each year, I like to watch our large maple in the backyard begin to lose its covering of summer green and take on a funeral brown. As the leaves drop, one by one all the irregularities and defects of the tree are exposed. The imperfections are always there, of course, but they have been hidden from my view by an emerald blanket. Now, however, it is denuded and desolate, and I can see its real condition.

Winter preserves and strengthens a tree. Rather than expending its strength on the exterior surface, its sap is forced deeper and deeper into its interior depth. In winter a tougher, more resilient life is firmly established. Winter is necessary for the tree to survive and flourish.

Instantly you see the application. So often we hide our true condition with the surface virtues of pious activity, but, once the leaves of our frantic pace drop away, the power of a wintry spirituality can have effect.

To the outward eye everything looks barren and unsightly. Our many defects, flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections stand out in bold relief. But only the outward virtues have collapsed; the principle of virtue is actually being strengthened. The soul is venturing forth into the interior. Real, solid, enduring virtues begin to develop deep within. Pure love is being birthed.

The Experience

I didn't want to blog this week, because I wanted to hold out until I could pinpoint “my transformation” and proudly present it to cyberspace. But instead, there was no momentous occasion that I could look at and say “See! That's where I was changed!” But out of respect to transparency and humility, I will instead post about what I was shown about how to change.

As I was praying this week, the words of Ephesians kept coming to mind, and I realized that no amount of striving for a change of heart can work. But striving to know God more, to understand and truly befriend Jesus Christ, this is the path that leads to heart transformation. Paul prayed:

“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.”(Eph. 17-21)

I was practically born into the faith. And though I spent some years flagrantly sinning, I never intentionally hurt anyone other than myself. When I came back to Christ and the church, it felt like returning home, and I never had a huge salvation moment as an adult. Of course, I know Jesus died for me and that I am a sinner and the wages of my sin is death, but I've never been moved by this knowledge: I've never cried for this grace, and I've never considered this exchange impossible. In my pride, I've never doubted my worthiness to receive this cosmic gift. It's not out of stubbornness or some ridiculous self-deification, but it does shed a light on what parts of my heart are in desperate need of transformation!

But knowing Jesus more will release the proper responses to his infinite goodness and grace. Knowing him more intimately will cause my knees to buckle before his majesty. The more I know of love, the more I can share it. The more I know his character, the more I will tend towards conforming to it. The more I know his holiness, the more I will recognize my wretchedness. The more I intimate his Truth, the more my life will be clothed in humility. Today, I pray that I can join in the prayer of Job (42:5&6):

My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.

The Prayer of Suffering

The Concept

There will be suffering! So naturally there is a Prayer of Suffering. The victory of the cross is not that we will avoid suffering but that we will pass through it and find triumph on the other side. As George MacDonald said, “The Son of God suffered unto death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His.” For Christ himself was“a man of sorrows acquainted with grief” “who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross.”

Take comfort that your suffering is not for nothing. God uses everything for something beautiful and good, according to his eternal purpose (Eph. 1:11 and Rom. 8:28). As we mature spiritually, we gracefully find that joy and suffering are not opposed but are complementary. Our hearts are enlarged and sensitized by suffering; our trust in God grows; our perseverance is strengthened; our trials becomes a our ministry to others (Rom. 5:3-4). Sorrow is full of purpose and meaning: it unleashes compassion and healing in the world.

As we persevere in our own sufferings, we are also called to share in the suffering of others, to stand with them in their sorrow and in their sin … not at arm's length but in the middle of their mess. As we allow ourselves to be carried beyond pat answers and beyond pity into the true sharing of emotions, our prayers become “we” rather than “he, she, they.” Of course, once we have taken up a burden, we must also release it into the arms of the Father and enter his rest, because we are not required to be heavy laden. “Hold the agony of others just long enough for them to let go of it for themselves. Then together we can give all things over to God.”

Fasting is a physical sign of the seriousness and intensity of the Prayer of Suffering. We relinquish a physical necessity to show our need for even greater nourishment. Fasting is a sign that nothing will stop us in our struggle on behalf of the broken and oppressed. Mysteriously (and not magically!), fasting has weight with God and an affect upon others. It is not to be self-torture but a sign of submission and dependency upon the hand of God.

When God's glory is revealed, we will see what a privilege suffering has been: our own suffering in this world, suffering for the sake of Christ, and the sharing in the sufferings of his body. “But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1Pet. 4:13, also Rom. 8:18).

The Experience

I think the Prayer of Suffering is a two-parter. It's prayer during your own suffering, relinquishing your hold on your broken heart to the Lord to accept his healing and his use of your experience. It's also prayer during someone else's suffering, either with them or for them, that goes beyond intercession because you truly enter into their suffering and take on their pain as your own and present it to the Lord.

I am not a tearful person, so when I cry, I know something powerful is happening within me. On a few occasions, while praying, the Holy Spirit has moved me to weeping as my heart opens to the cause of another person. This has even happened for total strangers. Though I don't particularly know the words I prayed in those situations, the memory of the prayer experience is strong.

In another very timely “coincidence,” this topic of prayer came up the very week that several of my close friends had organized a fast and prayer session for me! I was truly and deeply comforted by the willingness of others to deprive themselves of food, time, and their own agendas to help me shoulder my burden and carry it to the cross. I was amazed at the differing perspectives each individual brought to the table, illuminating and clarifying the situation in unexpected ways. I am convinced the Lord builds us up and teaches us and unites us through the shared suffering of the body.

The key to really allowing yourself to be moved by another's situation is to really understand their situation. I don't mean pry into all the details, but I do mean step into their shoes. This week I was praying for an acquaintance whose story and personality I don't know much about, yet I found that the more I prayed not for things but about things (the more I told her story to God almost conversationally), the more I found myself understanding her heart and the truths at work below the obvious crisis. Only then did I know what I should be praying for! This prayer is love. You will be surprised at the healing that takes place in your own heart as your lift someone else up for healing in this way.

Prayer of the Heart

The Concept

“It is the heart that prays, it is to the voice of the heart that God listens and it is the heart that he answers.”
- Jean-Nicholas Grou

Early Christian writers spoke of three stages of prayer:

• prayer of the lips (purgative)
• prayer of the mind (illuminative), and
• prayer of the heart (unitative).

When our hearts pray, we have entered a realm where the Holy Spirit is the initiator, the Holy Spirit creates the prayer, and the Holy Spirit sustains it. When words fall short of our prayers, the Holy Spirit prays deep within our hearts for us (Rom. 8:26). The Prayer of the Heart calls us to an intimacy that words will fail.

The way this prayer expresses itself within you is unique and individual, though there are some classic ways the Spirit speaks through the heart. There is the quickening of the spirit--an impression about a scripture we are reading or a word we are hearing. There is speaking in tongues--a release of our spirit into the Spirit of God where words go beyond the rational into the inexpressible heavenlies. There is an inexplicable peace--a rest of the spirit where the shalom of God settles upon you. There is a subtle warming of the spirit toward the things of God; there is an ecstatic overwhelming feeling of being in love with God. No matter how it is experienced, this type of prayer is less about expression and more about reception, more about being acted upon and less about conscious participation.

Prayer of the Heart is not by our own initiation, so there are no techniques to experience the prayer; rather there are patterns of living that bring us closer to God. When we have the pattern of a familiar personal history with the Father, when we are listening to the response of hearts to his overwhelming goodness, then we are in a position of openness to the Spirit moving within us.

As a beginning, simply ask God to kindle a fire of love within you, especially if you have a tendency to over-intellectualize. Foster writes: “The love of the Father is like a sudden rain shower that will pour forth when you least expect it, catching you up in to wonder and praise and unspeakable speech. When this happens, do not put up an umbrella to protect yourself but rather stand in the drenching rain of the Father.”

The Experience

Once again, this prayer topic was timely in my life, reminding me of God's sweet and faithful pursuit of my whole heart.

I was reading a secular novel, and when the protagonists finally admitted their love, my heart leaped within me. It reminded me how my heart raced while I was dating my husband. And, I had never put it together before, but that leap of my heart is the same feeling I get when I hear the Lord speak to me directly. I realized his language is love, and such a greater more constant love than I could read about in a book or even feel for another human being. This seemingly trivial understanding connected what could have easily become a cerebral exercise for me to an inexplicable and authentic physical reaction that can't be conjured or replicated.

See, I am ruled by my desire to understand. I cannot accept things I haven't yet proven to myself. But this is not how faith works; this is not how love works. So, step by step, the Lord is breaking me of my dependence on my mind, of my need for intellectual control, of my pride in my own understanding. But even in this, I am acknowledging what is needed, but until I surrender completely even to that understanding, I will not move beyond the "prayer of the mind" to the "prayer of the heart."

This past week, first at a conference and then at church, there have been teachings on the Holy Spirit and the power he wants to release within his people. While usually closed off to this kind of teaching, this prayer study has me open with a desire to set my heart on fire. So I heard with ears that hear. I am being asked to surrender to the abundant life I am promised, to surrender to true intimacy with the Father. I am being asked to pursue God-directed action, to allow awkward moments to stay on course with pure obedience and without fear.

I have never before pursued speaking in tongues, even avoided thinking about it, but now I desire a prayer language, a vehicle to escape my insistence on correct words and let my heart pour out without the assistance of my brain.

So for me, this Prayer of the Heart is a beginning. It is me willing to subdue my head, to sacrifice my will and my expectations, to plead with the Lord of my heart to kindle a flame that I cannot contain within me.

The Prayer of Relinquishment

The Concept

The Prayer of Relinquishment is an ongoing process. A daily (even moment-by-moment!) sacrifice of our own will to the will of God. We are changed little by little by the daily crucifixion of our will. Once we have abandoned our own agendas and acknowledged our hopelessness, we are in a position to fully receive what the Father has for us in abundance. New graces emerge: joy at the success of others, freedom from the burden of having to get our own way. Deeper intimacy with God overflows from our deeper dependency on God.

Such surrender will involve inner struggle. Foster explains: “to applaud the will of God, to do the will of God, even to fight for the will of God is not difficult … until it comes at cross-purposes with our will. Then the lines are drawn, the debate begins, and the self-deception takes over.” But struggle is part of the process. Struggle acknowledges that we are not fatalistically resigned to God's superior power, but that God actually invites us into true dialog with him. His desire is that we accept his will out of our trust in his love and wisdom and goodness.

Relinquishment knows the burden of unanswered prayer, but lays down (even distrusts) our own desires in favor of complete submission to God's will and timing. In the Bible, we see model figures with this same struggle of wills. Abraham relinquishes his son, Paul his desire to be free of his “thorn in the flesh,” and Jesus relinquishes his right to life in the garden of Gethsemane.

Sometimes, as with Isaac, God asks us to relinquish something, then gives it back to us. But this is not always the case. Still, what we relinquish, we can relinquish with the assurance of hope. Crucifixion always has resurrection tied to it. By default, “we hold on so tightly to the good that we do know that we cannot receive the greater good that we do not know." But we have to release our tiny vision in order to experience God's complete picture.

In formal practice, this prayer can be asking the Holy Spirit to apply relinquishment to the specifics of your day, asking the Father to make his will our consuming concern, asking Jesus to specify the areas of your heart that need to be laid at his feet. All day, “wait quietly, listen carefully, obey immediately.” The end result of relinquishment (certainly not the process) is a restful abiding in the Lord, a settled peace in the certainty of his control.

The Experience

At first I thought this would be an easy exercise. I have had spontaneous moments of relinquishment in my walk with God, and each stands out as an altar moment when I look back. I thought I would write about those, but instead I felt the Lord asking me to pray it now, and I protested. For almost a week, I kept putting it off, making excuses, literally resisting entering into a position of relinquishment.

I learned from that very resistance why this prayer needs to be a daily attitude. I am not talking about liturgically entering into “I surrender x, I surrender y, etc.” as a daily recitation, for then that very powerful exercise loses its punch. But certainly, when you feel that rebel flag going up at the knowledge of God's will, you best hit the deck!

I realized the truth in the prayer Foster put at the end of this chapter:

Oh, Lord, how to I let go when I'm so unsure of things? I'm unsure of your will, and I'm unsure of myself. … That really isn’t' the problem at all, is it? The truth of the matter is I hate the very idea of letting go. I really want to be in control. No, I need to be in control. I am afraid to give up control. Heal my fear, Lord.

So yesterday I knelt on the floor and approached a very intentional prayer of surrender. Once I made the choice to do so, my heart opened, words just flowed, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of freedom. For me, the struggle was the choice, not the execution. I surrendered specific things in my life and named him Lord over them. I surrendered my desires for productivity and named him Lord of my schedule. I surrendered anxiousness over lost family members and named him Lord of the gospel. I surrendered my self-righteous excuses and named him Lord over my salvation. I surrendered the prayer itself, and named him the Truth behind the words.

Such a prayer is cleansing. It is deliverance, not from oppressive spirits or forces, but from idols I have set up in my heart and deliverance from the constraints of my own mind that keep me from true life and true intimacy with Abba, Father.

Healing Prayer

The Concept

These key basics struck me while reading about Healing Prayer:

1) Praying for healing (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) is a regular act of Christian life. Because miraculous healing is inherently sensational, Christians tend to either falsely elevate the gift of healing or shy away and undervalue it. But the truth is that Christ is a healer and Christ is in u, so nothing should keep us from sharing Christ's compassion with those in need. Though some have been given a greater share in the spiritual gift of healing, it is God who heals, and our confidence is to be placed in him and not in man.

2) God employs an infinite variety of means to bring health. God will use doctors, encouraging friends, medicines, psychological therapy, divine miracles, etc. to provide healing, and God has the ability to do this with or without prayer. It is spiritual pride (and dangerous) to reject medicine as a gesture of faith. But it is short-sighted (and equally dangerous) to turn to medicine exclusively and pray only when everything else has been exhausted. Both extremes deny gratitude to God for the truth that all things, including the efficacy of medicine, are gifts of God.

3) Healing by prayer is not magic nor formulaic. Prayer for the sick is an extension of the love of Christ; it is a compassionate plea to the Living God on behalf of one who is suffering. There is no right combination of words, right confession of sin, right shedding of tears, right amount of faith, that will “get the prayer heard” any better, because healing comes through God not through our ritual. I felt Foster's approach here was a bit too systematic, as he seemed to suggest that though the factors are labyrinth, there may be a way to perfectly pray for healing. I remain skeptical on that point.

Reading this chapter, my faith was challenged, but Foster writes: “We may have thousands of arguments and skepticism against this type of prayer, and only one argument for it. But that argument is God, and isn't he enough?”

The Experience

This week, I walked around just looking for an opportunity to lay hands on a person with illness or a boo-boo. Though I felt many times that I should pray for my own infirmities, I never had an opportunity to pray for another. Still, healing was frequently on my mind. The thought of prayer healing requires faith, so this prayer exercise became an exploration of faith for me.

Admittedly, I've been struggling with faith this year, specifically with the seeming frivolity of it. I held that belief is a state of being and cannot be willfully changed, so why should our relationship with the divine - even our eternal judgment - hinge on something so trivial...something we don't even have control over? But I am seeing more and more that faith is a purposeful act, a decision to abandon self-reliance and self-confidence. My opinion is shifting towards accepting that we are all able to believe, but not all of us are willing.

"I believe, help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) is such a simple and effective cry for help,in fact the cry itself, acknowledging helplessness, is its own answer. Earlier this week I found that Isaiah 30:19-22 spoke directly to me about faith, help, and God's will to first and foremost heal our eyes and ears to see and hear.

Unceasing Prayer

The Concept

Isaac the Syrian: “When the Spirit has come to reside in someone, that person cannot stop praying; for the Spirit prays without ceasing in him. No matter if he is asleep or awake, prayer is going on in his heart all the time. He may be eating or drinking, he may be resting or working—the incense of prayer will ascend spontaneously from his heart. The slightest stirring of his heart is like a voice which sings in silence and in secret to the Invisible.”

This constant praying by the Spirit within us is the lifeline we tap into when we are in communion with God. Awareness of this steady stream of prayer is what Unceasing Prayer practices to make our natural state. It is more subconscious than Praying the Ordinary, though they are closely related and are both truly a result of new creation and not human effort. But they do start as unnatural and intentional discipline, to the end, as Foster writes, that “in time these holy habits will do their work of integration so that praying becomes the easy thing, the natural thing, the spontaneous thing – the hard thing will be to refrain from prayer.”

We learn from fellow saints who have gone before us in this type of prayer, from Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, Madame Guyon, and Francis of Assisi of whom it was said he was “not so much a man praying as a prayer itself made man.” Practical exercises we can learn from them are:

• Breath Prayer – A prayer you can repeat in one breath (for example, "The Jesus Prayer": “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”) Quotes from Scripture will work, or ask the Lord himself to give you a personal prayer. Select something, then pray it as often as possible, allowing it to be planted deep within you.
• Practicing the Presence – It's not impossible to order our mental life on more than one level at once. While going about daily business, we can retire to the private chapel of our heart at any time. This is how we can act in God's will, because we have sought his will! Laubach says, “That is my task, to hold my will to the current of power, and let You sweep through endlessly.”
• Graduating Intensity: 1) Begins as conspicuous, even artificial. Find a way to remind yourself to pray in every moment. 2) Aim to be unaware of having said the prayer, like a tune you suddenly realize you've been humming. 3) Center it in the heart, bringing sentiment and reason in accord, so you think with love. 4) As it consumes you, prayer becomes your very personality.

Today we are a distracted people, and Unceasing Prayer is a way of speaking peace into the chaos, of focusing our fragmented legion activities around a constant Center of Reference. Theophane the Recluse says, “Thoughts continue to jostle in your head like mosquitoes. To stop this jostling, you must bind the mind with one thought, or the thought of One only.”

The Experience

This is definitely not something to be "mastered" in a week. Though, just being intentional about repeating a prayer every time I remembered to was a blessing in itself. It is astonishing actually how many minutes of the day can be spent outside the awareness of eternal divine communion!

I believe God gave me a short personal prayer at the beginning of the week, one I can repeat until it becomes my character, and then I spent the whole week trying to change it! But I have accepted it now as my heart's refrain for a season... too personal to share here.

There is not much to add to what was stated above, except that I do feel I learned a bit more about what it means to be in God's presence. Being in God's presence is a position - a position not dependent on my broadcasting to him, not dependent on my hearing from him, not even a feeling of peace or of spiritual ecstasy. Being in God's presence is the assurance of faith, a position where we find ourselves based on faith alone.

Hebrews 10:22 "Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."

The Prayer of Tears

The Concept

The Prayer of Tears: “Being cut to the heart over our distance and offense to the goodness of God. It is weeping over our sins and the sins of the world. It is entering into the liberating shocks of repentance. It is the intimate and ultimate awareness that sins cut us from the fullness of God's presence.” It is penthos in the Greek or compunction in seldom-used English.

But rejoice! This is no morbid thing. The early church writers called this inner turmoil “a deep joy.” For joy is the result of a heart humbled in perpetual contrition. “May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy!” (Ps. 126:5)

Tears touch the emotive center of our lives, an outward sign that an inner fuse has been lit. This prayer is not a purposeful act, not some conjured emotion, it is the truth of brokenness. Foster suggest we pray for it as a gift: the gift of repentance, the gift of mercy, the “charism of tears.” And he suggests it is a result of confession, not just the confession of sinful actions but of a distance from God, a reality all mortals occupy (Rom. 7:21-25) - wretched men that we are! The tears that begin in grief become tears of joy at the assurance of Christ's forgiveness.

Foster ended the chapter with a prayer from my own heart:
“Gracious Jesus, it is easier for me to approach you with my mind than with my tears. I do not know to pray from the emotive center of my life or event how to get in touch with that part of me. Still, I come to you just as I am. I am sorry for my many rejections of your overtures of love. Please forgive all my offenses against your law. I repent of my callous and insensitive ways. Break my stony heart with the things that break your heart.... Amen.”

The Experience

God has been so patient with me, and so intentional. This experience was just what I have needed, and everything has fallen into place like ordered choreography. At the beginning of the year, the Lord began speaking to me about watering dry ground. The story of 2 Kings 3 changed my life and I've been waiting for the deep digging of trenches to fill my sandy heart with abundant, blood-red-in-the-light water. I've also been reading the gospel of John, so rich in water language, and I've been waiting for a cleansing and a quenching (John 4:14).

Yet in the past few months, my heart has become an even drier desert: a waning of prayer life, a numbing of emotion, a crisis of faith, a tragedy of apathy. But I made a decision to push on with this prayer journey - even when I didn't "feel it," and I came upon the Prayer of Tears. Tears naturally fit with the water-desert imagery God has been giving me.

This past week, how I longed to cry, like I've never longed before! How I prayed to be broken – no, not to be broken, to be made aware of my brokenness! I confessed; I saw my wretchedness and claimed the beautiful righteousness of Christ. I saw my coldness and claimed the love of Christ who loves through me. Admittedly, much of this was mental exercise though I longed so much for it to be true. There is a real disconnect between my mind and my heart, but I have been forcing myself to pray as though I were whole.

Sunday, Pastor J. preached about Ephesus' first love. His focus was not on personal relationship, but on loving the brethren. He spoke about our tendency of gorging on knowledge and gorging on solitude and thus neglecting our call to love one another. This was the shock I needed back to life. Then Sunday night there was a conference on our identity in Christ. The speaker warned about the dangers of self-sufficiency and I recognized it so in my life. He called us away from a life of behavior-based acceptance because we have been re-born righteous, we have been re-born into God's love, we cannot earn it more than we have it already. As a result, we are moved to acceptance-based behavior and utter dependency. Everything just fell into place for me (though reading this, I see it is less a logical progression than a revelation beyond words). But just to clench it, my sisters, unaware of this project, have been crying around me constantly this week - even during grace over a meal - showing me how beautiful this gift of brokenness is.

No, I am not there. I have not cried. I remain deceived by self-sufficiency, but I believe I am not incurable and I have not been abandoned. I am moving away from over-thinking about it and committing to living it, by the grace of God.

Intercessory Prayer

The Concept

We are called to serve others, but through physical service we realize that the real needs of others are beyond our capacity to give, so we must turn to God in prayer. We are made to be a kingdom and priests (Rev. 1:6), and Intercessory Prayer is part of our priestly ministry. Of ourselves, we have no place in the heavenly court, but through Christ we are given the authority of his name, so that we may approach God in freedom and with confidence (Eph. 3:12). And we have the beautiful promise that when we pray in Jesus' name, i.e. in accord with his nature – “if you remain in me and my words remain in you – ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you” (John 15:7). In this way, Intercessory Prayer, is learning to become an abiding branch on the Vine.

As poetic and beautiful this exchange is, the reality is that often we are discouraged when our intercessory prayers seemingly effect no change. Foster says “this is because we are entering the strange mix of divine influence and human autonomy.” God does not force men into compulsory obedience (Ps. 32:9), but Jesus did tell his disciples to pray always and not lose heart (Luke 18:1). There is a reason to persist. I believe that faithful repetition does not force God's hand, but it does grows our heart toward that person, and it stirs up the cosmos, where our struggle is located (Eph. 6:12).

A good part of this prayer, and all prayer!, is the silent listening for and inviting of the Spirit to guide the content of prayer, to bring people to your attention and, often, to intercede with sighs to deep for words (Rom. 8:26). Because the Holy Spirit relates to people differently, it is often enlightening and encouraging to pray with others. Corporate intercessory prayer, in agreement and with the support of others, is an important component of praying for others. Meetings with Christians should naturally and easily turn towards prayer.

1 Samuel 12:23: “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. ”

The Experience

So far in this prayer blog experience, there has been a lot of inward focus in prayer. At this point, I am truly thrilled to turn that focus on others. However, ultimately, I have learned and will ever be learning – though it seems obvious – the focus of all prayer is Christ.

I have recently joined a new women's group in my church. There are only four of us, and none of us knew each other just two months ago. It can be hard for me to really open up and connect with people. But this week I focused especially on praying for each of those women, and when I saw them again, I felt closer to them, as if their lives were truly intertwined with mine. I believe the unity of the Church that Jesus, Paul, John, etc. insisted upon will only be possible when the Church prays for each other ceaselessly, in accord with the nature of Christ.

Quite timely for this topic, Osama bin Laden's death was announced this week. A year ago at a prayer conference, we were asked to pray for the salvation of a famous person, and my group chose Osama bin Laden. In praying for him that day, and on and off since, a place in my heart has grown for this man. In the face of so much celebration over his death and a mission accomplished, I truly grieved for the end of the hope that he might live a redeemed life, and I did mourned the human loss of a wicked misguided destructive man who once laid innocent in his mother's arms.

Love is the power of intercessory prayer, and love's increase is its result. Amen!

Written Prayer

So, I took a break from this blog exercise last week ... at the same time that I took a vacation and really flip-flopped my schedule ... not to mention, at the same time that I finished reading Love Winsby Rob Bell, which really threw me for a loop. Here is not the place to discuss my opinions of the book, but this intro is just a way to explain my topsy-turvy spiritual limbo state this week. I've been finding it difficult to open up in prayer - I am first resistant, and then easily distracted, and often quite tongue-tied. So I made myself sit and write what I knew I needed to express.

*~'`^`'~*-,_.-*~'`^`'~*-._,-*~'`^`'~*

Heavenly Father, I am thrilled by my recent paradigm shift, by finding a whole Christian community across the globe and across the ages who share this shifted world view. What I am learning is what I have always wanted to be true. I do not, and maybe cannot ever, truly know what is true; it is not for me to know but for me to trust your will. Yet I cannot go back from this point. What I am learning matches up with reason – though I know your reason is not just superior to but even perpendicular to man's reason – but it also matches up with my understanding of your being. I should be ecstatic and full of praise, yet instead I am feeling like an anathema.

You have put me into a loving community, an accepting and attentive community. And I love your for that blessing! Rather than keeping my new insights and new feelings in the dark, I bring them to the light, and I am always surprised by the gentle reception I receive from even those who do not agree with me. Yet, I feel like an anathema because I do not feel your pleasure, Lord.

I live to bring you pleasure. I long for my life to be a source of delight for you. I know this is possible! Zephaniah says “He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with love, he will rejoice over you with singing!” Almighty God, I crave your song over me!

But I do not feel your pleasure over my new direction, nor do I feel your displeasure. Somehow, I don't feel you at all this past week. Only a few weeks ago, I found your presence in every daily activity. I was almost playful in seeking you out at all moments of the day, reminding myself by reciting “God is here!” whenever I thought to say it.

Yet now to do so feels forced and shallow. What was playful and earnest has now become legalistic and empty. I don't know what to do to find you again, Lord. In fact I know that there is nothing I can do. That it is not me, but you, who draws near. I need you to show me what blockage, what plank in my eye, what stopper in my ears, is keeping me from realizing you.

I have discovered a freedom that is almost scary, and I don't know how to cope. I am in a position to follow you not from fear of eternal destruction but because I love you and you alone can give true life. This freedom requires, not obedience, but passion. A passion that needs to be unlocked because, truth be told, I am very scared, Lord, so scared I don't even know of what.

Please God, keep me in your truth, lead me in the ways of righteousness that restore me to your pleasure, do not let me slip away.

Amen.

Sacramental Prayer

The Concept

A sacrament is a physical vehicle of God's intangible grace; it is the mundane infused with the Holy, the created infused with the Creator. God repeatedly chooses to present himself to us through physical realities, through sensual experience: we see symbols throughout creation, we hear the praises of his people and the word of his apostles, we taste his body, we feel water on our skin in baptism and touch others as we serve, and even the smell of incense should remind us of prayers. In the ultimate sacrament, Christ came to dwell with us in our physical realm, taking on the form of a man (Phil 2:6-7).

In Foster's sense of Sacramental Prayer, then, he is referring to rituals and words created by others that we adopt and lift up to the Creator ourselves. The modern church often chafes against liturgy, seeking to avoid self-righteous or forced displays of outward piety. But both liturgical sacrament and spontaneous intimacy can be inspired prayer. “We come before God in liturgical dignity and charismatic jubilee. Both are vital to an unabridged experience of prayer.” It is not good for us that we would reject one for the other. Our God should be encountered in both familiarity and in reverence. Yes, we may approach God with confidence through Christ (Eph 3:12), but throughout the scripture, righteous men fall on their faces in his presence. The Lamb of God holds seven flaming stars in his right hand, the same hand he uses to comfort us in our fear (Rev 1:16-17).

We know the Old Testament is full of detailed religious ritual, but the New Testament also teaches the sacraments, and Paul included well-known hymns in his epistles. Liturgy connects us with the wider body of Christ; speaking the words of the early church over our lives today is an act of unity. Relying on another's words to speak our heart undermines our pride while at the same time providing us outside encouragement.

There are pitfalls of course. There is “going through motions.” There is the archaic language that may have lost meaning over time. However, the idea of vain repetition that Jesus criticized in Matt 6:7 is a criticism of the heart not the action. The heart of Sacramental Prayer joins the worship - in spirit and in truth (John 4:24) - of the church across continents and through the ages.

To practice this type of prayer, Foster suggests starting by singing the psalter, approaching Communion with the awe of its mystery, or praying attentive to body position.

The Experience

I'm a bit torn on this one. Yes, I believe sacramental prayer is an integral part of a healthy prayer life, but spending a week on it alone felt stilted.

The first day I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, which was wonderful. It was freeing to let go of the responsibility for my own devotional “syllabus,” and I was fed by this man's word of God. The next day I explored the Book of Common Prayer and was frustrated by it. Many of the prayers did not feel applicable to me or my experience. I found I could not stay on the words written by others, but prayed around them (which may be the point?). Maybe it would be richer if they were memorized prayers, as they serve in the orthodox churches. Often reciting the Lord's Prayer or the Apostle's Creed moves me. There is definitely something awe-inspiring in speaking today the same words of the church centuries ago.

I had a sweet moment where I prayed at the foot my bed before climbing in for sleep. Though intentional body positions feel awkward at first, they awaken the whole self into the moment and act of prayer. It is similar to physically raising ones arms while singing a worship song. This definitely requires more exploration.

Ultimately, however, I constantly struggled this week with feeling too "scripted" and unnatural. I will probably take a week off from these blog exercise to recover some spontaneity and the freedom of responsiveness in my prayer life.

The Prayer of Examen

The Concept

Another type of prayer with a strong foundation in the Psalms, the Prayer of Examen asks the Lord to search your heart and know your ways while recognizing his heart and his ways. The examen (from the Latin word for “examination, assessment”) is not a thing of dreadful judgment, but a means towards deeper understanding and empowerment. Foster gives us two kinds of examen: Consciousness and Conscience.

Examen of Consciousnesss – Remembering how God has been present to us through the day. It is “discerning the footprints of the Holy.” Recount where has God been present in your day and reflect on what it is he is saying to you through it. This type of prayer does very well in the evening hours, as it looks back on the activities of the day. Regular practice of this examen will help to solidify the memory of the acts of God in your life as well as increase your sensitivity to hearing his voice.

Examen of Conscience – Realizing and uncovering areas that need cleansing and purifying. For this examen, it is important to not rely on ourselves but on his illuminating Spirit. Were this a solo activity, we would err to much either on the side of self-justification or the side of self-condemning, missing the thin line of truth. But after inviting God into the shadowy parts of our heart, we are given a self-acceptance and self-love that is drawn from God's acceptance and love, not our own. It is constructive to know ourselves in this way because “who we are – not who we want to be – is the only offering we have to give. We give God therefore not just our strengths but also our weaknesses, not just our giftedness, but also our brokenness... all are laid on the altar of sacrifice.”(Ps. 51:17)

As we search inward, deeper and deeper, we ultimately search for, and find, and enthrone the soul's proper center, which is God. It is not a prayer into the heart but through the heart. The Prayer of Examen is focused inward, not towards the self, but towards the kingdom of God (Luke 17:21).

The Experience

This prayer exercise excited me. There is a clear plan and purpose. I set out to pray each night before falling asleep, rehearsing the acts of God in my daily life. I committed to deep introspective searches and exercises in purging the dark places of my heart. It would be dishonest for me to say I was wholly successful in these efforts.

It's about being open to God's judgment but also about making time to hear it. In studying conscience and the consciousness of his presence, I found some areas of my heart that need cleansing are not rebellious so much as acting outside of communion with him. I find it hard to “flip the switch” from productive Martha to Mary seated at the feet of Jesus. I yearn for it to be difficult to switch it the other way. My #1 desire is to naturally and constantly abide in the awareness of his presence, but I find the reality elusive. I probably rely too much on my own commitment and my own efforts, but how do I abandon those for his will in my life without becoming apathetic and complacent?

The Psalms spoke to me so richly this week. “One thing God has spoken. Two things have I heard: That you, O God, are strong and that you, O Lord, are loving.” (Ps 62:11) My Lord's judgment is strong and it is is loving! Psalm 51 was beautiful to read through slowly while allowing God to search my heart. Things he revealed are personal and painful, but the result of his cleansing (the faithful statements “I will be clean. .. I will be whiter than snow"), is that “then I will teach transgressors your ways … and my tongue will sing of your righteousness .. and my mouth will declare your praise.”

Examen cannot be accomplished in one week and should not be neglected moving forward. I do plan to make this a regular discipline, hoping to find a richer, deeper understanding of and participation in my relationship with the Lord, and a better cared for heart – a cultivated entryway to the kingdom of heaven.

Petitionary Prayer

The Concept

The word “pray” means “to request,” and Petitionary Prayer is exactly that. God knows what we need, but he delights in us seeking him for what we think we need. He wants us to share our desires with him because he wants us to share every last part of ourselves with him. To find this basic type of prayer too simple or even too selfish is to dangerously cling to a false humility. Truly we depend on the Father for every breath, for every morsel of food, for every noble thought, for every single thing.

There is Intercessory Prayer which is seeking God to fulfill the needs of others, but Petitionary Prayer specifically lifts up our own personal requests. Because these requests are so near our heart, it is difficult to find objective clarity about them. We are masters of self-deception (Jer. 17:19). But even though we may miss the mark in our prayers, it is better to err than not to pray at all. P.T. Forsyth observes “Petitions that are less than pure can only be purified by petition.” We learn our own hearts and – even better! – the heart of the Father by asking.

Like Simple Prayer, the Petitionary Prayer is not a crude form of prayer we will one day grow out of to make way for “more advanced” prayers like eloquent adoration or mystical contemplation. We are forever dependent on God, and there is nothing base about expressing this dependence. The Lord's prayer is a series of petitions (three of which, Give/Forgive/Deliver, Foster delves into as key categories of this type of prayer). By asking the Father for our daily bread, the trivialities of the every day are lifted up and consecrated. When we come to him for everything, we will find that every meal is a heavenly gift, every stumble is quickly redeemed and forgiven, every temptation is identified and resisted through the strength of Christ. What joy it is to thank him for the gifts he gives, especially when it is something we have asked for!

The Experience

I found this exercise indulgent because it is so me-focused, but also easy because it is a form of prayer naturally injected in most of my prayer times. In fact, I find Petitionary Prayer hard to isolate; it ebbs and flows into intercession and praise and confession organically.

In a specific moment, I invited the Lord into my eating habits. I know my base desire is rooted in pride and body image, but I also know that there are health benefits and the spiritual fruit of self-control as a result of dieting. By inviting God into this basic and often profane part of my life, my hope is that all my eating moments will be full of the awareness of God's presence and his intentions towards my health and a life of moderation.

In another specific moment, I prayed for forgiveness for squandering a book idea the Lord had given me over a year ago. I have recently felt God's favor for that particular idea withdrawn after an outright rebellion of refusing to start writing. I realize I am afraid to fail, a fear rooted in pride. I have prayed for a return of his creative inspiration and his blessing to start anew. This prayer is not yet answered, but I am no longer sullenly hiding behind excuses and inaction.

Those are just two examples, tiny droplets in a river of lifetime prayer. But through this exercise, I ultimately learned that ignoring personal desires – keeping them shamefully from the light and God's influence – can lead to festering sin. By offering my needs and desires through prayer – by openly acknowledging my dependence on his providence and his will in my life – the dusty corners of my prideful heart will one day be swept clean.