Written Prayer

So, I took a break from this blog exercise last week ... at the same time that I took a vacation and really flip-flopped my schedule ... not to mention, at the same time that I finished reading Love Winsby Rob Bell, which really threw me for a loop. Here is not the place to discuss my opinions of the book, but this intro is just a way to explain my topsy-turvy spiritual limbo state this week. I've been finding it difficult to open up in prayer - I am first resistant, and then easily distracted, and often quite tongue-tied. So I made myself sit and write what I knew I needed to express.

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Heavenly Father, I am thrilled by my recent paradigm shift, by finding a whole Christian community across the globe and across the ages who share this shifted world view. What I am learning is what I have always wanted to be true. I do not, and maybe cannot ever, truly know what is true; it is not for me to know but for me to trust your will. Yet I cannot go back from this point. What I am learning matches up with reason – though I know your reason is not just superior to but even perpendicular to man's reason – but it also matches up with my understanding of your being. I should be ecstatic and full of praise, yet instead I am feeling like an anathema.

You have put me into a loving community, an accepting and attentive community. And I love your for that blessing! Rather than keeping my new insights and new feelings in the dark, I bring them to the light, and I am always surprised by the gentle reception I receive from even those who do not agree with me. Yet, I feel like an anathema because I do not feel your pleasure, Lord.

I live to bring you pleasure. I long for my life to be a source of delight for you. I know this is possible! Zephaniah says “He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with love, he will rejoice over you with singing!” Almighty God, I crave your song over me!

But I do not feel your pleasure over my new direction, nor do I feel your displeasure. Somehow, I don't feel you at all this past week. Only a few weeks ago, I found your presence in every daily activity. I was almost playful in seeking you out at all moments of the day, reminding myself by reciting “God is here!” whenever I thought to say it.

Yet now to do so feels forced and shallow. What was playful and earnest has now become legalistic and empty. I don't know what to do to find you again, Lord. In fact I know that there is nothing I can do. That it is not me, but you, who draws near. I need you to show me what blockage, what plank in my eye, what stopper in my ears, is keeping me from realizing you.

I have discovered a freedom that is almost scary, and I don't know how to cope. I am in a position to follow you not from fear of eternal destruction but because I love you and you alone can give true life. This freedom requires, not obedience, but passion. A passion that needs to be unlocked because, truth be told, I am very scared, Lord, so scared I don't even know of what.

Please God, keep me in your truth, lead me in the ways of righteousness that restore me to your pleasure, do not let me slip away.

Amen.

Sacramental Prayer

The Concept

A sacrament is a physical vehicle of God's intangible grace; it is the mundane infused with the Holy, the created infused with the Creator. God repeatedly chooses to present himself to us through physical realities, through sensual experience: we see symbols throughout creation, we hear the praises of his people and the word of his apostles, we taste his body, we feel water on our skin in baptism and touch others as we serve, and even the smell of incense should remind us of prayers. In the ultimate sacrament, Christ came to dwell with us in our physical realm, taking on the form of a man (Phil 2:6-7).

In Foster's sense of Sacramental Prayer, then, he is referring to rituals and words created by others that we adopt and lift up to the Creator ourselves. The modern church often chafes against liturgy, seeking to avoid self-righteous or forced displays of outward piety. But both liturgical sacrament and spontaneous intimacy can be inspired prayer. “We come before God in liturgical dignity and charismatic jubilee. Both are vital to an unabridged experience of prayer.” It is not good for us that we would reject one for the other. Our God should be encountered in both familiarity and in reverence. Yes, we may approach God with confidence through Christ (Eph 3:12), but throughout the scripture, righteous men fall on their faces in his presence. The Lamb of God holds seven flaming stars in his right hand, the same hand he uses to comfort us in our fear (Rev 1:16-17).

We know the Old Testament is full of detailed religious ritual, but the New Testament also teaches the sacraments, and Paul included well-known hymns in his epistles. Liturgy connects us with the wider body of Christ; speaking the words of the early church over our lives today is an act of unity. Relying on another's words to speak our heart undermines our pride while at the same time providing us outside encouragement.

There are pitfalls of course. There is “going through motions.” There is the archaic language that may have lost meaning over time. However, the idea of vain repetition that Jesus criticized in Matt 6:7 is a criticism of the heart not the action. The heart of Sacramental Prayer joins the worship - in spirit and in truth (John 4:24) - of the church across continents and through the ages.

To practice this type of prayer, Foster suggests starting by singing the psalter, approaching Communion with the awe of its mystery, or praying attentive to body position.

The Experience

I'm a bit torn on this one. Yes, I believe sacramental prayer is an integral part of a healthy prayer life, but spending a week on it alone felt stilted.

The first day I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, which was wonderful. It was freeing to let go of the responsibility for my own devotional “syllabus,” and I was fed by this man's word of God. The next day I explored the Book of Common Prayer and was frustrated by it. Many of the prayers did not feel applicable to me or my experience. I found I could not stay on the words written by others, but prayed around them (which may be the point?). Maybe it would be richer if they were memorized prayers, as they serve in the orthodox churches. Often reciting the Lord's Prayer or the Apostle's Creed moves me. There is definitely something awe-inspiring in speaking today the same words of the church centuries ago.

I had a sweet moment where I prayed at the foot my bed before climbing in for sleep. Though intentional body positions feel awkward at first, they awaken the whole self into the moment and act of prayer. It is similar to physically raising ones arms while singing a worship song. This definitely requires more exploration.

Ultimately, however, I constantly struggled this week with feeling too "scripted" and unnatural. I will probably take a week off from these blog exercise to recover some spontaneity and the freedom of responsiveness in my prayer life.